My 42th Birthday... but I feel 28!

Little Princess - 4 years old

When I was younger, older people kept saying that age was relative to how you feel not how old you were.  It was an interesting concept that's difficult to understand unless you are the one getting old.  But it was true, as you get older, your brain kind of stays at certain age, in my opinion an age you felt comfortable with.  Guess that's the way your brain cope with the fact that you are getting old, and I think it's BRILLIANT! 

My family, I'm the little one!

Today, I'm celebrating my 42th birthday, but I truly feel like in my late 20's.  I was born 42 years ago in a small town in the north coast of Puerto Rico.  Arecibo is the name of my hometown. I spent there the first 20 years of my life.  Most of my family and good friends still live there and I try to go back as much as I can.  

As you get older, you learn to appreciate things in a different way.  Now when I go back to my hometown and spent time with my family and friends, I experience my time there differently.  I love the smell of the sea breeze early in the morning, my mom's coffee and that feeling of ownership because you belong there.
  

In my 20's, back in San Juan, during my college years.

It wasn't until my mid 30's that I moved permanently to the US, and with that move lots of changes.  Climate changes, professional changes, friends changes, family changes, everything was new.  And even though changes proved to be challenging and stressful at times, having that young woman who still lives in my brain help me cope with all.  

In my early 30's playing with my baby Doggie.

That girl in my brain is optimistic, positive, energetic, fair, compassionate, hard working, funny, audacious, resilient and playful.  I like her a lot.  She's the one who pushes me to be better, to conquer my fears and to see the glass half full all the time!  I'm lucky she stayed with me all these years and I truly hope to have her for many years to come.

In my early 40's, celebrating Halloween in Germany.

I'm incredibly content with my life.  I dont feel like I have to prove anything to anybody but myself.  I don't feel in a race to be better than anybody because I'm not.  I realized that the only way you can feel realized as a person, is learning to love yourself just the way you are. Getting older has many benefits, and for that I'm so grateful.

In my late 20's, with my family.

At my 42's I'm in the best shape of my life, surrounded by wonderful people and at peace with the person I became.  I know I have the potential and the skills to reach many new goals, and with time I will get there.  I'm not in a rush!  There is a time for everything and everything has a time.  
 

Celebrating my 42th birthday!

Today I want to Thank God, for a life full of blessings and love. I'm grateful for another year in this world, for my family and my friends all over the world. 


I'm lucky to have health, a loving husband, my crazy pets and that young girl in her late 20's still living in my brain.  That same girl that reminds me every single day to stay FOREVER YOUNG!

Happy Birthday to me!   And let's stay Forever Young!

I wanted to share this song, because it has one of the most beautiful lyrics I have heard in a long time.  Hopefully you enjoy it as much as I do. 

Dora - The Housewife!

One of the greatest challenges when I decided to quit my job, back in Puerto Rico in 2005, was dealing with myself.  Yes, dealing with myself and the voices in my head is one of the greatest and most difficult challenges I had to deal with every single day.  So imagine how scared I am about "dealing with myself". (It can be scary! - if you know me well enough!)

I found a way to make it work in Arkansas for few months, even created a paid-job, at the clinic where Jim was doing his fellowship in cosmetic surgery.  It was a lot of fun settling into the "American" life surrounded by a southern accent.  To be honest, back then I wasn't able to understand much.  :)

Then in 2006 we moved again, this time to Maryland.  And once again jobless.  I decided to post resumes for positions in the Federal government but nothing really showed up.  Now, I'm a little grateful about that one... working on Human Resources within the federal government should be like a 24/7 torture.  Yes, 24/7 because I will bring all the stress back home!   After few months, the voices started to challenge me again... You are not good enough, your accent is to prominent, your english is bad, you are not bringing money to the house... etc.  

Fortunately, I decided to take a temp job at Human Resources, and later on got my real estate license.  Voices were silenced for a while. 

I maintained few jobs simultaneously, none of them "relevant enough", at least that what the voices told me!  I wasn't making much money, but I was meeting beautiful people in real estate and the other jobs.  STILL, it wasn't enough.  It took me a while understanding that I was measuring / defining myself based on how much money I made.  Interesting concept.  

I guess that's what happened when you are used to be independent, have a "relevant" job and  the admiration of your friends and family.  Suddenly you are not working and you hear that question that you don't want to hear... "So Dora, What do you do for a living?" and you completely avoid the honest answer...  "I'm a housewife".  OH GOD!  What a problem I still have with that word... not sure why. I was raised by a housewife and know tons of housewives, and I have deep admiration for what they do, especially if they have kids also.  So, not sure why I still have a problem calling myself a housewife. (I think it's related with the "feminism" crap back in the 70's.)

After all those years I was still struggling when we move to Germany.  Once again I had to quit everything I was doing in Maryland and start all over in Germany.  And the voices started to torture me again.  

Last year, my lower back injury got a little more complicated.  I have degenerative disk disease, well me and a lot of other people all over the world.  The problem is that I have 41 years old, my brain 25, most of my body 35 and my lower back 80!  Get the picture?  A little frustrating on rainy days!! (which are a LOT in Germany!!)  Well, long story short I got my last MRI results in May and the lower back is pretty screwed up.  That week, I cried... A LOT!  And after crying for few days I decided to do something important for myself.  

There is not much you can do with that condition... it's what it is. So I focused on what I can do... Lose weight, strengthening my muscles and become a healthier version of myself.  It worked out, 6 months later I was 16 pounds lighter and feeling way better.  I added a more strict eating routine (clean eating) and strength training during the last 5 months, and my life is even better now than a year ago.  

The voices were there all the time... "look for a job", "you are useless", "your brain in dying"... They can get that nasty... really!!  But something happened few weeks ago.  

I realized that I'm healthier now than in any other time in my life.  I said healthier, not thinner!! I feel incredibly strong, I have a level of energy that I appreciate, and I'm NOT in constant back  pain.  My muscles are strong enough to support my lower back.  In that very moment, I told my voices... I won't feel like this, I won't have this energy or strength if I didn't have all this free time to figure it out.  

I have to add that since the very moment Jim and I married, he always encouraged me to do what I want, what I like.  He let me explore new opportunities and support my crazy ideas.  Sometimes he called himself the person who "DESTROYED MY SUCCESSFUL CAREER"... and I hate when he said that, because he really SAVED me in so many ways.  I was a successful but unhappy workaholic before I met Jim, I don't even want to start thinking where I would be if I haven't met Jim.  Jim has always been my voice of peace.  

Ok, let me wrap this up... the voices are still there and they get up every once in while to torture me.  The difference now is that I don't let them bring me down.  Now, I can talk back at them.  I listen to what they have to say and then I let them know all the good things that I learn, do and enjoy because I'm a housewife (still difficult to say!-working on it).

Do I want to go back to work when we move to the US? HECK YES!  But I have 1 or 2 years to realize what I want to do, maybe even go back to school while I'm here and keep reinventing myself. I'm investing all that time in making my family healthier and stronger. 

I decided that I wanted to be thankful, grateful and happy for this gift, rather than fighting it.
I'm a housewife and I like it. (most of the time!)  Shame on you - Feminist Movement for making me feeling guilty saying that word!  :)

... and to my hubby - "Honey, I'm very happy!  I love you with all my heart!  Don't worry about me, I'm fine."